Respect.

07Aug09

  When you care more about your dog (who’s an asshole, by the way) than your girlfriend .. you’ve got a problem.

 

  So, my dumbass boyfriend has these two blow guns. Infatuation with blowing, perhaps? Anyways, he shot a dart into the wall, like a fucking retard, and I was trying to pull it out when I realized he was aiming that shit at me. Now, he has both darts and little hard solid pieces, and I don’t know which he had in there, but he was completely ready – lips on gun – to shoot me with one of those. I turned around and said, “Fucker, stop” in a more playful way than I maybe normally would. He took his mouth off, smiled, put it back and was 100% prepared to shoot me. I said, “What are you, 5? Fucking stop, I’m serious.” and he continued. After several comments like that from me, and his brother and his brother’s girlfriend staring at him, he finally put it down. Our dog was really interested in the blow gun so I said, “Shoot her instead, she seems to like it.” (Which of course was a complete joke.) He said, “No, I like my dog, I don’t like you.”

  My parents have been married like .. shit, almost 30 years now. On their 20th anniversary I remember asking my mom what their secret was. She looked at me, smiled, and said, “Respect.”

  I’m not huge on talking to friends or family about my relationship problems, but lately, it’s had to be done. Venting is definitely necessary, and I’ve found out, so is feedback. Hands down, the most common feedback I’ve gotten from the several people I’ve mentioned a few of my problems to has been, “It seems like he doesn’t respect you.” Well, that’s lovely, isn’t it?

  It’s obvious all relationships hit difficult spots, rough patches, hard times, etc. Especially when you’re in a situation of hot temperatures, insufficient air conditioning, low income, etc. But you know what? I think we’ve got shit going for us pretty damn well. No kids, no *real* debt (I don’t count the house because it’s an investment), no legal problems, no health problems, jobs, got all our teeth, and so on. But it just goes to show you that even in not-so-awful conditions, people will invent their own problems.

  I’m not trying to be all “high and mighty” but I think I have a pretty good outlook on life, and I think that is the single most important thing to have. For me, it’s essential to have before I can have anything else. Love, for example, would be something I couldn’t obtain unless I have a good outlook on life simply because if my outlook’s bad, I’m probably going to have insane trust issues, abandonment issues, etc. But I’m pretty centered, and sure it took me years to get here, but I’m here, and I love it. But the boyfriend? Not so much. He’s probably got the shittiest outlook of anyone I’ve ever met. And I’ve talked to quite a few homeless people in Deep Ellum who’s friends are dying left and right.

  It really does take two to tango, and when one person won’t let the other help them, it goes to shit.

 

This is where I am.
This is home.
This is hell. 

 

-LL

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